5/11/14

I have always been the person who is there for everyone else. When someone needs a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, I am the one they turn to. When their life is a mess, even when it's their own fault, I am the one to calm them down and help them to see that life can be better. But I feel like a complete hypocrite. I am helping others find happiness while I drown in my own darkness that I am too afraid to let anyone else know about. I watch my life crumble apart as I help others pick up the pieces of their own lives. I feel myself slip further away to the point that I don't even know who I am anymore. Somewhere along the lines I have tried to control my life through controlling food, and when that didn't work I turned to alcohol, drugs, and one night stands to make me feel something besides the emptiness of a starved stomach, heart, and mind. It scares me that I don't know how to get myself out of this hole I have thrown myself into. What scares me more is the fact that I don't care if I ever get out.